“No, at Lobbyist Medical Corp. we figure a golf club is a much better tool of the trade. Just lift up the patient a bit and prop his mouth open so I can get a good shot and try to golf the tumor out of there.”

“Do you think that will work?”

“Of course it will. I’ve got some contacts who are working on a law right now that will define the tumor as whatever comes out, so it will be gone and everyone will feel better about it.”

“But doctor, the patient will still be sick.”

“Not according to the law, he won’t be. If he complains then he’s obviously just trying to bilk the system and we’ll go to court and sue to recover damages.”

“That won’t make him well though!”

“Of course it will. What are you, some kind of a know-it-all? If you want to keep helping me, nurse, you need to fork over a check for $5,000 right now.”

“But it’s my job to help, and I don’t have $5000.”

“Well then, I’ll have to get rid of you and get some better help, someone I know I can depend on. Orderly, remove this nurse and get me Rick Renzi in here right away to help with this operation. Oh, and a $40,000 bottle of Scotch. Better be nice and loose before I club the hell out of this guy to get rid of the tumor.”

“OK, doc. The nurse is gone. Anything else?”

“Yeah. Just thinking to myself…. thinking that it sure would be nice to just get lucky today and find $100,000 in unmarked hundred dollar bills in a brown paper bag on the way out. Kapische? That’ll be all.”